Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
