Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
