my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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