TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
