My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
