i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want nice things and good sex
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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