There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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