and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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