Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
