even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
