cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
