The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just had sex on a roof
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
