i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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