She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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