hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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