I got chris browned last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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