i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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