We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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