dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
