I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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