What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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