I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
