That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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