That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
