Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
