yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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