in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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