she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i barfeds in our rink
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need a beard to bite.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
