I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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