Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
