My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
