She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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