I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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