what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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