did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
