I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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