I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
