anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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