If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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