i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
