Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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