this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
