Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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