i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
