our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
