u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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