just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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