Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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