i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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