seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
