Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
