All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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