Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
