I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
