I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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