So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
