Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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