Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
