I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
