I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
