I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
