I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
