cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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