dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
