I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
