I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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