i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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