where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
