I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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